dairy farmers to the front! oi! oi! oi!

I would just like to send this update out to the punk rock licensure committee and let them know that although I have not been to a concert where anyone has vomited on the dance floor in several years, I am still doing my best to represent myself as a respectable member of the punk rock community and respectfully ask for my license to be renewed for the following reasons:

1) So, gentle readers, for those of you who didn't know me "back in the day" as the kids like to say, I will tell you that I used to have look that some might call eccentric. Indeed, I was stopped on one occasion by tourists in downtown San Francisco and asked to pose for a picture to show the folks back home in some town in Oklahoma where only teenagers whose parents didn't love them enough looked like I did. At the time I spiked my blue or pink or purple hair with a mixture of Elmer's glue and the cheapest hair gel they had at Walgreens. But since I need to save my money now to buy a reconditioned sickle bar mower, I don't have 30 dollars a month to spend on dying my hair. However, I have discovered a way to get it spiked just the same - let a cow lick the back of your head while you milk her. Punk as fuck and delightfully frugal.

2) Also, I stopped in the co-op this morning after I did morning chores for my co-worker since he was up half the night untwisting a poor cow's uterus by rolling her the length of the barn. While I was reading a story in the Hardwick Gazette that mentions me! without buying the newspaper (also a very punk thing to do) one of the people who works there said "what is that smell?" As I was sniffing, she looked at me and said "oh, my gosh, I am so sorry." And I totally realized the smell was cow shit. I spent a minute trying to decide whether feel embarrassed while she apologized profusely and said that the smell was really similar to something burning and not like manure at all. Finally I said that she shouldn't worry about it and concluded that many punks would consider it pretty damn awesome to have someone comment on your odor in public.

3) I am making randall lineback back patches.